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Archive for January, 2010

This is it. What a way to start a new chapter. Totally chaotic and wild with the wind more of a tempest than ever. “Healing wind come set me free…” is this the wind that heals that simply wipes it all away and I must clean up the mess? If that is the case I will do as I must, and I will also allow the bulk of it to not be in my control. Mind control: that’s where I’m at redirecting my mind again mind over matter, and where is my heart? Falling in love with everyone I meet and becoming sad and angry when I can’t make it better; it hurts to see them suffer. What can I do and how shall I live- this again, always back to this as I am doing the best I can where I am with what I have, even with this wind. Okay, so the house is being ripped apart and I have no idea what is falling or where it will end up, but I know its noises are loud and the pain exquisite. I also know there might be calm behind this cloud.

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The simple fact of rain makes me feel a little cold. But not uncomfortable. It is an exciting cold, as if renewed and fresh. And after getting cozy, awakening to a world washed away of its plight. Behind the clouds only light and space.

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Possibly Nothing

I already feel I’ve lived many lifetimes and learned many lessons, coming to terms and peace with a lot. It will probably continue to surprise me when raw emotion comes up through my body. I look around and see I need plants, green alive things that help breathe me and that I help breathe and nurture to grow. Have I ever felt so good being alive – thankful for the chance to be here? Alone and somewhat aware of all these subtle levels and energies. Lost in daydreams for a moment and then possibly nothing.

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Absurdly Normal

in the air on a flight away though not really away because there are endless ones I love rising in altitude I’m learning to rise in attitude adjusting my frame of mind as needed I am amazed and connected AND I’m flowing with my own life choiceless in the ultimate trust as I feel every movement every fluctuation of air and wind underneath through the vehicle I travel with all molecules linked together to form these shapes and feelings everything that fits together to form endless stories and adventures here I’m trying to take my mind off the sensations at hand and at body which are disquieting yet absurdly normal I say no fear but I feel it let it go

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Yes, a friend and I touched the ocean yesterday evening as the sun was setting the water blue and sea green and clear. A beautiful blue that I wanted to dip into. So I ran alongside its wavy edge for a moment and dipped my feet into. That’s something! Though I could easily spend a day or 2 in that lovely ocean bliss. Trying to think of something else some meaning to my life and my own capability to make my life a happy one – all I do is make up my mind. I even said I’m having a good time because I’m having a good time in my mind. I seem well aware of where my judgments come from. Now I feel I’d like to fall asleep, but instead I have a full day ahead. Whistles and bells horns and taxis all for the love of skin. Sky blue day and night pink orange as sun sets into the westness of water from this angle of a Miami hotel and day job.

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Blank Spaces

Then there are the blank spaces
That moment of time separation
Where windows don’t hide the sun
Because there are no walls
Filtering through the beams
It softens the edges with light
And you are standing there, right
With me alongside me
You choose to be
Not above below behind ahead
Although they may come up
It strikes me as something good
That you are willing to truth
To open vulnerability
To trust and raw emotion
The culmination of love
And its centeredness
Radiating in your being
Like sun through window
I am on the couch
Engulfed in your beams

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